I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
