two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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