He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
