i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
