How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
