i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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