i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
