A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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