The maid of honor just puked.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
