Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
