dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
