He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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