I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
