you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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