I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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