i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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