She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
