Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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