she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
