pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
