I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
