Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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