So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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