I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
where am i from again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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