1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
