my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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