Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
