last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
