so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
