I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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