Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
