I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
