I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
