how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
