3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
