i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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