Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
