Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
