It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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