omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
