your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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