it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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