At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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