How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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