I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
