you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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