Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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