dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
