All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
