Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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