Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
