i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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