my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
