bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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