I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
