the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
