Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
