Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
