So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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