I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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