"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
