HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just had sex bonerless
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
