Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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